If you intend to read this post, reading Part I first might provide some insight into my mentality but it's not totally necessary.
I have often said that not pursuing your purpose is what's crazy, and I still believe that wholeheartedly. This sentence sounds like there's a "but" coming. It's not. It can't.
There was a time in my life where my only concern was that the gardener kept breaking the sprinkler heads in the backyard, and I had to think about putting in a new sprinkler system. That was my only concern. Everything else was great, and yet, I knew there was a greater purpose. I didn't have all the details, but I knew life was just slipping by, the clock was ticking, and there was more to life than just working to survive, and even thrive. There's more to it.
There were many years I would see the same people on a weekly basis, and each week I'd ask them, "What's new and exciting?" And every week, for years, the response was always the same, "Not much, just work." And feel me on this, I'm not judging anyone on how they want to live their lives. That's the path they've chosen to take, and they seem perfectly content with that. It's just a path I can't take, even if I wanted to.
But, (Aha, there's the "but," yet it doesn't apply to previous statements) I will not say it's been easy. In taking stock of the sacrifice, the loss and the setbacks, sometimes it hurts so much. (This post is probably nothing more than just a cathartic exercise.) I have my share of regrets, and made my share of mistakes. There were things I knew, instinctually, deep in my being, that had to happen, and yet, in trying to operate at a different level, I went against what I knew. And it cost me much. That will not happen again.
I was asked recently if, considering what lies ahead, I was happy about the journey I had taken. I couldn't honestly say yes. There's a lot of hurt, a lot of loss, a lot of sacrifice that would not have been necessary had the path to the destination been different. My ultimate answer was that I wish I had had the wisdom to take the shorter path to the same destination.
If you read Part I of this post, then what I'm about to say will make a bit more sense. I know I'm sitting on a gold mine. I gotta keep digging. Not because I'm hungry for gold (because obviously I'm talking metaphorically), but because I know how great an impact that gold will make on many lives. I will keep digging, but honestly, I often wonder if I'm not just digging my own grave.